Christmas, full of love and joys.

I know I am very emotional, can suddenly update 2 post in short time and suddenly disappear for long time. Come on, I am now enjoying my lazy moment. Let me feel the peace please.

So the world din't end, we are still alive and CHRISTMAS is just around the corner.  EXCITED OR NOT?? Obviously I am excited so I typed it in capital letter. I think Christmas is a very beautiful occasion because.... I don't know, I just like them, probably because I like the decoration most. And Christmas's songs sound better than Chinese New Year's.

I also thought that Christmas is a season of giving. Well, we normally throw a party and exchange Christmas present (with budget one some more. =_=)

But, in a quiet night which I forgot what I was doing, I saw this video.

Random Acts Of Kindness.
Don't you remember something? Act of kindness was one of the question for our SPM trial. wtf
Back to topic, if you have no time to watch the video and feel the happiness too, let me tell you what is it about then. The video is made by clicknetwork from Singapore. So they are doing random act of kindness and film it into a video. They buy iced tea and coffee for student, giving free rides, buying tissue from those elders and give away the tissue to random people, sing a song for those working hard in office and etc la.

I like this video very much because I thought doing some small acts like this are actually very meaningful. What they did may be small but the love inside their acts are big. It will not change the world but it will bring more joys to our life.

Since Christmas is a season of giving, and we are not dead from "end of the world" yet, why don't we do the same? You don't need to spend more than what you can afford but 2 bucks, 5 bucks can be enough. You can buy tissue from those people selling shop to shop(even I never really see people sell tissue like that in Malaysia), buy DIY stuff from those elders, or anything you can do. Buy something from those who had work hard, and give it to others. You won't get anything at the end but the joy of giving. Or you can gather a few friend and collect some money, buy some stationary and donate to the orphanage, or anyone who is needy.

At this beautiful season, it is not just about what you had did for the others, but how much you want to do something for them. Spread the love, feel the joys.

Cautions : I highly do not suggest you give free rides to people in Malaysia, you are either end up in the police station being sued you are kidnapping or end up crying because you are robbed.  And I also do not suggest you give what you bought to strangers, people may think it is some scam and you end up in police station again. This is Malaysian's style for doing good things.

 Merry Christmas! 

报复的故事

我们经常在电视上看见一些连续剧,故事围绕在报复.而有一些的报复故事则是把上一代的仇恨报复在下一代的身上.

所以今天我就来告诉你们一个浓缩版的报复之旅.

在一个绵绵细雨的夜晚,有一家人准备外出.那家人的女主人在大开大门时,一个不小心就踩死了一只蜗牛.我知道很恶心残忍,可是事情已经发生了大家无补于事.

隔天的傍晚,这家人再次准备外出.此时,女主人的女儿脚一伸进鞋里,竟然发现有异物!灵敏的女孩还没真正碰到异物就马上把脚抽出来.鞋子一倒出来,竟然是蜗牛!

蜗牛回归了.妈妈是蜗牛凶手,可是遭殃的却是女儿.
这则故事告诉我们,无论做什么事,都要为自己的后代着想.


蜗牛,对不起.节哀顺变



故事结束.

P/S:女孩是我,蜗牛凶手我不必说.在此澄清,我没责怪蜗牛凶手.

Judging myself.

Konichiwa! I came back with a new layout which is sexy I think, So are you surprise and do you like it?

Here is a come back post after more than a month not being active in blogger. This is life of a form 5 student,  there is never enough time for both study and entertainment. As I mentioned, there is more than a month that I did not update my blog. I was not sensing any guilt until I found out my blog state never drop to zero for such a long time and even growing rapidly these few days. Is it just some random stranger bumped into my blog or there is real reader? It does not really matter, the blogging thing will continue. Do I have a real reader now? It is okay if I don't have one, I will have them as long as I continue.

SPM is such a new experience for me, of course I would not want to experience it again. I have been put very much effort in the exam as it is an exam without any tips. I decided to give up on prediction after a few subject, the prediction was not that accurate and I realized study everything was the only way to be safe. It changed my way to study, turned me into a hardworking people I would say, and last but not least, it changed my thoughts about result.

I believe that most of us are seeking for the best or even perfection in what we are doing. I am one of them and I never regretted my thoughts. It made me a better person, at least a motivated and enthusiastic person in pursuing my dreams. I wanted to be the best among all. I did not make it even in the last exam I could, perhaps my ability are limited or everyone is paying more effort than I do. There are moments that I am frustrated with myself, got upset, but most of the time, disappointed with my failure.

But then I realize I was wrong to used others to judge myself.

Not being better than other was never a failure, but not being better than before is. I looked back to my result and it did show improvement compared to my previous exam. Every little improvement was the pay back for all my effort. the intention of the effort may not to be better than before but to be better than the others, but it still pays off. I made a mistake when I compared myself to others. Everyone is different, why do I still used other to define myself?

Exam is not for you to compare yourself to others, but to tell you how much did you improve. The society may have make you think that examination is to make you the best among all your friends, but the truth is not like that. Study hard for to improve yourself, not to compare to the others. Your hard work is not to bring the others down, but to get yourself up there.

No matter what are you doing, always remember to do it for yourself and for good intention.

打工有后序.

 打工对学生而言是一件让人很感触的事,虽然打工一阵子之后就会开始埋怨.星期一和星期二打了两天工,我就变得很感性了.

人生第一次赚的血汗钱,你还记得吗?

我记错了.我一直以为自己第一次只靠自己的力量赚钱是在中四年末假期时跟父母打工的那两个月.当然,我不是一个好女儿也不是一位好职员.我不但跟妈妈要求了市价的工钱还做两天请三天假.虽然我有这种一日暴之,十日寒之的惰性,但我还是赚了一两百块.没记错的话,妈妈好像是一星期出粮一次,所以拿到工钱时,数目还满客观的.

我一直以为那是我第一次赚钱,直到不久前才想起好多年前我已经赚了第一笔的钱.

第一笔钱其实只有RM7.说到这件事就得把接近十年前的记忆捞出来,大概就在我四五年纪的时候.我不太记得实际到底是几时,小学的记忆已经太模糊了.模糊的记忆中,应该是这样.当时我和好友,亦是现在的老友相约一起写一篇作文,然后一起投稿.当时我们每星期都有买一份报纸,我记不起名字,但它的格式就类似中学生的学海.没记错的话,我的文章没有马上被登出,但我很肯定我确实投稿成功了.

我记得我投稿的文章命名为<洋娃娃>.当时我的文笔非常不成熟,虽然现在也没有很稳重.那篇文章里主要都是在描述我对洋娃娃深厚的感情.文中还提到我人生的第一个洋娃娃,那个年龄和我相近的小熊.小熊以前不叫小熊,它叫bear bear. 以前它真的一点都不小,我一只手也只能抓住它的身体.可是我长大了,小熊没能长大,现在我的手张开就已经和它一样大了.

投稿成功后,我明明记得自己把整份报纸都收藏了.可是我有超人的破坏天份,后来报纸就消失了.

我没想过我人生第一份收入会是投稿赚回来的.小时候从来没发现自己在写作方面有那么一点的发展空间,也没有阅读的习惯.只知道小学的时候,我的作文被老师欣赏,后来我就培养了兴趣和信心.

对文字的兴趣不曾淡去,热忱也一直保留在心中,可是热忱并不足够.每个人都会在某方面特别感兴趣,可是兴趣只是一个开始.我对文字感兴趣,有热忱,可是我自愧我没有善用这份热忱.投稿成功了一次,我却就此罢休.我没有努力继续投稿,没有把一次的成功当作鼓励,继续发展.

兴趣是一个开始,要继续走这条路需要却不只是需要兴趣,它需要恒心和努力.

没有恒心,没有努力,兴趣永远都只会是你感兴趣的事情.要在感兴趣的事情里变得优秀,需要无止尽的努力和不间断的恒心.很多人都说兴趣不能当职业,我不否定这句话,但我不觉得这是绝对正确.做人的心态非常重要,一个好的心态会成就许多事情,最基本的便是带来快乐.我认为用一个好的心态去把兴趣变成职业便能克服许多困难.我相信很多人都面对生活没有选择的烦恼,许多人都被迫去过自己不喜欢的生活,做自己不喜欢的事.如果兴趣真的能变成我们的职业,其实我们也可以在心理上得到另类的满足.

兴趣不一定要变成职业,但不要荒废你的兴趣.人生不只是职业,兴趣能变成我们的爱好,爱好便是我们生活上的点缀.一道好的菜肴需要点缀以达到色香味俱全,一个好的人生需要兴趣以变得有趣.

 在此附上<洋娃娃>中的主角.它现在和一群朋友(几十只洋娃娃)在箱子里和睦共处.

还有,原来我曾经长成这样.

有句话说三岁定八十.

三岁就和小熊腻在一起的我对洋娃娃尤其是泰迪熊特别有感觉.

一个人小的时候接触的事物对他很大影响.

父母绝对有责任给孩子一个正面的环境.

I am not lonely, I am just alone.

Hao ba, I am finally a little bit guilty for leaving my blog dead for such a long time. And to be honest there are quite a number of drafts in my account that I was in the half way and never finish it. Wonder why? because inspiration got in a fight with me and they just won't compromise. wtf Now I am randomly blogging about anything. Example? People around me.

Surprisingly, the people around me had changed so much in this 2 years.I have to clear that I don't mean their personalities had changed, but I am surrounded by different people in these years.I would not say it is bad thing, but I can't say it is positive.

I din't realize how much friend I had changed until I was lying on my couch and thinking about the friend that I had lost the other day. Then I realize nothing much have left from the past, and I can't even remember how much friend did I lost. I tried to count, but it just too much. I could not remember them. It was not because they are not worth to remember, but I am just not good in memorizing bad experience or things I don't like( such as chemistry if you need an example) .

I questioned myself, why do the people around me are keep changing? Is it because I need new friend for my new personality? Or simply because human's relationship is too fragile. Like recently, I lost a friend, just because he is getting along with my haters. It was not that hard to found out why, it is obvious. The friendship did not have an official endings but it does not needs one. Sometimes, in our life, we don't need a full stop to know that it is the end for the sentence, and it is the same that we don't need an real ending to tell that our friendship, or worse which is a relationship, can't go any further. Maybe we din't realize that, but when we are in trouble, we know who is our true friend, or we are just all alone.

So now I can feel the distance between me and everyone included those old friends that I cherished very much. I am not sure if it is me keeping myself away from everyone or it is just no one come close to me anymore.

It is okay, I am alone, but that is what make me tough.
When you have no one to help you, you will have to help yourself. We ( or it is just me) always expect someone to help, or at least we hope. It is a very bad habit and it won't bring us any nearer to success. When we are finally helpless, we will have to push ourselves to cross the safe zone. This is what we all know, but sometimes we never did it until we are force to. ( wtf I have to be forced to be good. 没有上进心.)

"It is okay to be alone, just don't let yourself feel lonely.
Don't beg for help, if someone can do it for you, you can do it for yourself."


You are just better than you thought.
Or you are just not alone.

Erm, one last thing. since SPM is just around the corner, 

I might not have time for blog. 

Blog might be dead or I will just stick with some very short and light post. 

Just don't forget me. :P

The exam jokes.

I am sorry if I blog too often but let me be barh. School is now a playground for us after trial. We haven't really have any real lesson as all the teachers are busy for something else. Too bad the weather was a little too hot or else we will be sleeping in the class. I slept in class for twice last week which is a new record for me. Try imagine how free we are.

So now teachers are coming in and giving out our exam papers, where the comedy or the tragedy happens. Even though most of the teacher haven't done their marking yet,but we already got a few papers. Exam is such a stressful thing but somehow I always managed to make some jokes out of it. It is funny for others but it is actually a pain for me.

Here comes the jokes (or my tragedy).

1. My brain, does not work with my hand. 
Since I already got a few papers, when I check on the answer I realize I did some silly mistake in my exam paper. I can remember it clearly that I was thinking about the correct answer but I have no idea why din't I write the answer in. And it was not just one question, but a few question, in just one paper.

2. My brain went blank during exam.
Almost every single exam I will forget something I had read before and the memories do not come back anymore. Especially during my chemistry exam , my brain got nothing in it. I am probably scared by the exam paper or I do not have enough sleep but shit me, I can't remember anything.

HERE COME THE BEST JOKE.

3. My teacher like to complain me in front of the whole class.
This is the after exam process where all the teachers give out the exam paper. Something is definitely wrong and my teacher like to complain me in front of the whole class. I would not say they scold me but I am the only one get complained in the class. I know it is not a big deal but the problem is I am not the worst in class and there are people who get lower marks than me but they never get complained. The last exam which is my mid-term, my teacher ''complained'' me for getting 88% for moral. The complaint lasted for a few minutes and that happened in front of the whole class which is in silence. Everyone listened to teacher criticizing me. I was the first to get the exam paper and I thought everyone else get 90%above. Turned out there are people with lower mark and they din't get complained like I do. And today same thing happen again when I got my chemistry. I admit that my marks are much lower than my close friend but there are still people who get lower mark than me. But then when teacher read out my mark, she added a sentence : ''Kenapa teruk ni?'' ( it means why is it so worse if you don't understand. ) Then all my confidence got killed. Luckily there are error in the scheme and teacher counted my marks wrongly so my marks was slightly higher than the original. But I got myself in those depression and confusion that why do my teacher always like to complain me. I totally understand they have expectation for us but WHY ME? The inner me which very cares about face and my own dignity was very hurt. Luckily I get over it or else you probably see me in a face which is darker than your eraser for the next few days.

I shall keep the post short before you get bored of reading me. Hope this post bring a little laughter for you because when I calm down, I found all these quite funny. I did laugh out loud if it din't happen to me.


Hope you get LOL-ed. lol

To be safe and sound

So yeterday I was happily playing my games and suddenly the house phone which is next to me rang. I picked up the phone as usual and that is what everyone does. When I pick up the phone, I knew it was a stranger because I can recognize people by their voice most of the time. Then I remember one day I was taking a nap my mom gets a call from a stranger which trying to flirt with her too. So I knew it was the same bastard on the spot. ( You will understand why do I call him a bastard if you continue the story and praise me please, I don't usually respond this fast but this time I can guess it was him immediately. such a improvement. ) I was really pissed already when I heard my mom talk about it. Then of course I would not sound friendly in the phone anymore.

I asked him who is him and he told me a name which I don't remember, it was some thing like Ah Ming or whatever. Then the conversation continues with his crap that he wants to be friend. Of course I have met some strangers trying to be friend just by simply call a number. I was not surprised. So I scolded him and I said his is disturbing us. He sounded mad and reply: :"I disturb? I was trying to be friend." but I continue to said he is disturbing us. Then he sounded really mad and started to threatening me. I was not afraid and I asked him : "So you threatening me now? Do you know I can report to the police?" He was not afraid either. The conversation continues with his crap trying to be friend again and I hang up the phone.

I went to told my parents about it but within 2 minutes he called again. I picked up the phone again and I remain silence. He asked me why do I remain silence so I told him I thought he was trying to waste his money by simply calling someone, that's why I just remain silence and let the phone call continue. but it din't last long and I hang up again. This bastard has no idea how to give up AND HE FUCKING CALLED AGAIN. I picked up and hang up in 2 seconds. wtf. Then my mom just take the phone away making it unavailable to call. Then finally peaceful day has come and bastard is gone.

I was really pissed when he was threatening me. ( But I din't scold a bad word in the whole conversation, quite regret because he deserved some.) I wonder what is wrong with the society? Since when calling a strange number to make friend is legal? I mean calling a strange number has nothing wrong but disturb people like this? I don't think so. Threatening a person is definitely illegal. I have no idea what was those people thinking when they did such thing. Not only to the bastard that had called, but everyone else that threaten the others. Some of you might think it is not a big deal but try to think further. Now they are threatening with words, but some of them might get worse, what if some day they are threatening with human? What if they are kidnapping in the future?

Most of you know that the place we are living now, Malaysia is having safety issue now. How often do you heard about crime? We always heard about people got robbed, or some of you even personally had the experience already. Myself also have a few friend who come over my house and nearly or had already got robbed when they are on their way home. And that was 2 years ago. In 2 years, what I see is the place is getting dangerous even though the government claim that the index crime fell. That is what we heard but there are more behind the report. I am lazy to type more here so if you are interested you can refer to ''the post" written by Audrey from fourfeetnine.com when her brother nearly got robbed.

Not that I would blame everything to the government, but the issue need a resolution. Ourselves also need to gather our power and do something. We can't sit and wait for help, we need to help ourselves. There are few things that we can help ourselves.

1. The man who are physically stronger should take the responsibility to protect the women and the kids.
2. The female should be aware of the danger too. Have some common sense and try to avoid walking alone at night.
3. Do not talk to stranger.
4. Learn some martial arts.
5. Use a reputable taxi firm and preferably share a cab if possible.
6. Always make sure your wallet and your phone are safe when you are on a public transport.
7. Bring a anti-rape device.
8. Tell your family where are you going so that they will be aware if you are late home.
9. Do not publish your location all the time to avoid from being followed.
10. Go do research yourself. I have no idea already.

Why do we wait for the cops to catch a criminal after they had done the crime? We should be aware and give no chance for them to harm us. To live in a safe place or not, it is all your choice. Make a change, you have no idea what would happen.

Screw your life.

This is how Form 5 screw your life. at least it screw my life already.

Form 5 started.
extra homework.
extra class.
extra stress.
everything is harder.
exam is coming.
you have to study everything form 4 and form 5.
you survived an exam.
trial is coming.
teacher din't finish the syllabus.
you have to study on your own.
you have to start your revision as early as possible before the exam.
you can't go out that often as you have trial.
one month before trial, outing is officially disappeared in your life.
you spend your holiday with study.
trial ended.
you got SPM.
there is only a month for you to prepare for SPM.
Outing is banned again.
SPM ended.
time to look for college or university.
time to choose a direction for your future.
you have to work to save money for further study.
you have to apply your scholarship or whatever.
Uni or college life started.
assignments are coming.
you graduated.
you work.

So there is no more holidays more than a month in your life anymore. unless you stop schooling or working.

My advice?
Enjoy your holiday like a boss when you still have a chance.

Obsess with teddy and ted

When you read this post, I am probably eating my books now. Scheduled this post to keep my blog alive. =_=

Most of my close friend know that I am a big fans of teddy bear. OR I am just obsess with every soft toy (which is cute). It is something I always dream for since I was very young. But my parent never really buy a real teddy for me because I used to have allergic to furry thing when I was young. When I am finally not so sensitive to fur, they think I am too old to get a teddy bear.

But that does not really work larh, they don't buy me a teddy bear but my friend did.

Neh here is my teddy bear. lol

My obsession towards a teddy get worse after I got him.(I assumed he is a teddy boy for the ribbon on his neck, girl usually have on their ear.) He is part of my daily routine now. I must show him how much I love him everyday for my own sake. lol 

As I have such obsession towards teddy bears, when I saw the trailer of TED , and another trailer, I know I must watch this movie. Then I became very desperate for the movie. I change my profile picture in facebook to TED photo, my phone's wallpaper and screen saver too. I am DESPERATE. lol

I could not stop myself and screw all the exams and book. I watched the movie. I WATCHED THE MOVIE!!!

I am not going to tell the story because when you already know the story, it would not be so fun when you watch the movie but there are still some small things i can tell. lol

In this movie, TED is not any normal teddy bear we know. Of course we know this TED can talk and move, but what makes him even more different is he does not behave like the good ted we know. We usually have a good impression for teddy (except those who think soft toy is scary), but in this movie, TED is just like any jerk we may see in reality. He smokes, he talks bad words, he flirts and he has sex with girl in the movie which is something we would not imagine a teddy could do. But who cares, a talking teddy bear is already beyond our imagination. A talking teddy bear may means a lot to a kid (lonely kid), but when TED is going to live with his owner forever, problems occur. This is where the story started to become interesting, and THERE ARE MORE. If you do not know the story before you watch, you might be surprise by its story line. 

BUT,

even though TED is a misbehaved teddy bear in the movie, he still loves John , the hero of the movie which is his owner too. He got John into trouble but he tried to solve the problem. He might not be the good boy teddy but at least he still loves and loyal John. And John loves TED as much as TED loves him too. John never gives up on TED and he is responsible for TED's life. This is the point of the story, it shows how important is someone who grew up with you. Could you afford to lose him/her?

My obsession for teddy makes me teared when I was watching the movie. lol

It is a good comedy and it might be very touching if you understand the love between a teddy and the owner too. The TED in the movie still looks cute even he is being a naughty teddy.  Too bad TED will be release in Malaysia as pg18 movie. There are too much bad words and PG 18 scene in the movie, it would not left much if they cut the movie. And I am underage. My last year of underage, should I feel sad for that?

But my advice for this movie is do not read the story before you watch the movie, this advice works for every movie. lol

Hope you have a happy Ted-ed day. lol

真爱.奇迹

马来西亚在这两个星期连续发生了几件轰动全马人民的事.星期六本地一名女艺人突然传出离世的消息.星期天则是羽球国手李宗伟再次在奥运里与金牌插件而过.然后就是隔天黄明志挨揍.一连几件值得一提的事,我忍了好几天总有可以在部落格分享自己的感受.所以这会是很长的Post,但我希望你们能看完.lol

先说黄明志挨揍的事.

星期日早上他在面子书发布一段新的视频.虽然口头上说是安慰李宗伟无法为大马夺得第一面金牌.但他所谓的'歌'里,却是一堆辱骂林丹的话,还有他最爱的脏话.虽然我不是很有文化不骂脏话的人,但至少我不会把脏话唱成歌,也不觉得骂脏话理所当然.过后他再发布一张挨揍的照片.他的粉丝当然表现惊讶和愤怒.很遗憾,我不是他的粉丝.那天妈妈告诉我他挨揍的时候,我看了照片一眼和他的留言,反应只有大笑.我当时真的觉得他活该.怎知道他马上就被拆穿他只是在假扮,没有真的挨揍.而且还被拆穿他只是在利用李宗伟而做了那段视频,宣传自己的新片.后来他的经纪公司也发出了一篇正式的澄清函,证实照片只是他们宣传新片的方式(我觉得那可以列为手段).

在我的立场来说,我觉得他发布视频和照片的行为非常不负责任.这是二十一世纪,网络尤其是社交网站是现今一个不能忽视的媒体.很多人都是通过网络去更进新消息.视频,照片,文章,只要你发布在网上,你就不能奢望自己有能力毁尸灭迹.而且网络也是国际性的,我们上传的任何东西都有可能被全世界看见.再加上人类分享的力量,我们传播消息的速度真的非常快.所以我们在上传任何文章或别的东西时,我们都应该三思而后行.黄明志上传了视频,虽然后来被删除了,但大家都早已下载并重新上传.他不是一个无知青年,上传视频前就应该先想想后果.视频被分享在各大社交网站,中国人当然也看得见.他在视频里辱骂林丹,正如网友所说的,他有什么资格这样侮辱别人?他的行为可以说是Cyberbully,利用网络的力量伤害别人.如果我没有错,这种事情可以采取法律行动.我不是律师,所以我不确定.但这种无形的欺压不应该被搁着不理.黄明志的自私让马来西亚华人的形象受到破坏,即使我们并没有把李宗伟错失金牌的事怪在林丹身上,但他一个视频却让中国人误会了大家.大马华人形象受损,他要怎么补偿?他即使道歉和澄清,但他是否又有办法像他的视频一样让大家都看见吗?他没有承担错误的能力,就不应该随意上传那段视频.至于照片,他的宣传手法是否过分了呢?虽然我不欣赏他,更不欣赏他的艺术,但他本人也知道他在马来西亚也算是有影响力的人(不知道是负面影响还是正面影响),他贸贸然就上传一张挨揍的照片,他是否有想过多少人会相信他?又是否会有人因此和别人起争执?对于他假装挨揍的整件事,我只好说:'你挨揍我不出奇,你假装挨揍我也不奇怪.' 相信大家都听过<狼来了>这个故事吧,哪天他可能真的挨揍了,到时可能没有人会相信.

对于黄明志,我的评语都是负面的.大家同样是马来西亚的华人,有些事情无法改变就应该接受.而他却选择用这种方式去表示愤怒,对自己的国家做出侮辱性的行为.应该吗?也许改变就是由这一种人开始的,但身为马来西亚公民,即使遇到多么愤气的事,我依然爱马来西亚.我生在这片土地上是不争的事实,所以我就应该热爱它.至少在这片土地上,我们没有天灾,没有像非洲小孩饥饿的问题,我们依然能够顺利成长,至少我们还能拥有梦想.有些贫穷的国家,他们的人民根本没有机会谈梦想,生存就是他们唯一的目标.生在马来西亚,我们就应该爱它,道理就和爱我们的家人一样,无论我们的家人是不是我们所欣赏的人,但是我们依然爱自己的家人.他热爱的艺术,他作歌,拍电影,但他的歌曲和电影里是否和真的包含了我们应该欣赏的元素?又是否有正面能量呢?这真的是艺术吗?我本身是看不懂这类艺术.我承认他是个有才华有天赋的人,但他应该利用这些天份去造福人群,不是破坏社会风气.

然后我要说李宗伟和金牌无缘的事了.

整个奥运我最激动只有这一场决赛.原本开始时我对金牌根本没抱什么希望,甚至觉得半决赛都可能有苦难.但李宗伟却证明我错了.他成功杀入决赛,拼搏到最后一秒.虽然他始终没获得金牌,但他的努力却是大家都看得见得.相信很多人都知道他在早前已经受伤了,虽然这次的赛果不能全怪他的脚伤,但这件事多少会有一点影响他的表现.他在这次决赛中的表现也比四年前有了明显和卓越的进步,这一次林丹也算是险胜了李宗伟.这一次李宗伟没有获得金牌,无故被一些人责怪他导致他们没有免费雪糕和假期.其实到最后大家还是如愿以偿吃到了免费雪糕(还额外给你们时间和朋友一起排队增进感情),而假期本来就是不可能的事.(其实之前责怪李宗伟的人是不是要表示道歉?)但我相信有的人并没有真的责怪李宗伟,纯粹觉得可惜,用错方式发泄,就被人炮轰和说他们想红了.其实我觉得特地去print page 的人也很想被注意.李宗伟在比赛结束后坐在球场上失落的样子和领奖时流泪让很多大马人都感到心酸,而我也不例外.当时社交网站全是关于李宗伟的状态,照片.有的人也赞扬李宗伟成功把马来西亚人都团结起来了.李宗伟的运动精神非常值得敬佩.而且李宗伟其实并没有输,他还是成功为大马争取了的一枚奖牌.大家都把焦点放在金牌上,但其实银牌对我们国家而言已经非常值得庆祝.参与奥运的国家这么多,但李宗伟却成功杀入决赛为我们争取了荣誉,我们还奢求什么?李宗伟在一个不断听见支持林丹的球场内,揹负着大马的第一枚奖牌甚至金牌的梦想,承受所有大马人民的期待,作出最后的奋斗.我相信李宗伟内心比我们任何人都更渴望着金牌,他的选手生涯已经接近尾声,若能得到奥运金牌,对他一定会有非常大的意义和肯定.他和林丹多次交手,其实两人的实力旗鼓相当,虽然林丹已经二度在奥运击败李宗伟,但李宗伟的实力是被肯定的,甚至连林丹自己也非常珍惜李宗伟这位对手.至于林丹呢.比赛后有许多人都把李宗伟没有得到金牌的事怪在他身上.甚至有人用了很过分的言语去中伤他.对于这点我觉得这对林丹不公平.林丹得到金牌靠的是实力,他没有做出犯规的事.我们不应该把自己的失误怪在别人的身上.

李宗伟对所有大马人民而言是个奇迹,他在2012伦敦奥运中为马来西亚争取了的一枚奖牌,成功让大马人民不分种族,文化,语言,宗教同样为他加油打气,大家的心里也只有一个目标,就是嬴得金牌,即使他没有获得金牌,但他已经在大家的心中成为了冠军.

最后我要说一个很感人的爱情故事了.T_T

上个星期六本地艺人谢雯惠乳癌病逝.当消息传出时,大家都很惊讶甚至不敢相信,以为只是电视剧情.可惜生命并不是电视剧,不能重播.谢雯惠抵不过病魔,离开了人世.虽然我不是她的影迷(也没有是谁的影迷),但对于她也不是毫无记忆.至少我已然记得她拍过的电影.平时有什么艺人去世了,我都是看看就算了,甚至都不会记得他们的名字,但这一次我却印象深刻,因为她的爱情故事.

艺人闹绯闻见多了.艺人真的恋爱也不出奇了.可是像谢雯惠和他的丈夫蔡河立的爱情故事却让我很感动.他们两人都是艺人,工作一定很忙碌,生活也没有私隐,双方接触的人也会比较多甚至比较复杂.但在这样的环境里,他们却相爱了八年.八年对平凡人不简单,对他们而言更难.谢雯惠在去年六月发现自己患癌,但坚持拍完<香火>这部连续剧.后来她也没有患癌的消息传开.星期六突然离开让很多人都很震惊.而她的离开却让我们看见她和蔡河立的真爱.他们在2007年就已经注册为夫妻,但一直还没举行婚礼.相爱的八年里,他们一直很恩爱,都没吵架,回忆都是开心的.而蔡河立因为谢雯惠患癌一事,还特地提早在今年头举行婚礼.即使谢雯惠还了绝症,他坚持举行婚礼,正式娶了谢雯惠.蔡河立还在面子书上透露他工作忙碌,但即使只有六个小时的时间也愿意赶三四个小时的车程,只为了和老婆相处两个小时.在葬礼上,蔡河立对老婆作出最后爱的宣言.内容如下:

「我代表我太太-谢雯惠，向大家说一声感谢。这3天来辛苦大家了。谢谢家人、亲戚、好朋友、媒体朋友、影迷们来陪伴她。(停顿)她是个喜欢热闹的人，但不会主动约朋友。我很惊奇有那么多的好朋友和不熟悉的朋友来陪伴她，因为她是个100%的好人，(哽咽)几乎没有任何缺点。我非常幸运可以娶到个这么好的太太。没错，很多人问我，在她不舒服的时候为什么还要完婚？我肯定地说，就算我还有最后一口气，我还是会娶她！她只是先离开而已、去旅行。谢谢大家对她的厚爱和支持。我答应她、答应大家，我会好好地生活下去，做一些她喜欢我做的事。我永远爱她(哭泣)，永远爱她，想念她。谢谢大家。」

我肯定地说，就算我还有最后一口气，我还是会娶她！
这一句话深深感动了我.在面对死亡时,很多人都选择了退缩.癌症听多了,觉得平凡了,觉得身边太多致癌的东西了,所以癌症变成理所当然的事了.很多时候,我们没有办法想象一件事有多恐怖,因为我们没办法体会.事情发生在别人的身上,我们一定没办法和当事者有同样的感受.但我可以很肯定地说,癌症真的很可怕.不要从癌症说起,从肿瘤说起,发现有肿瘤后,就要抽出样品化验,等待结果,心里都是恐惧,要是肿瘤是恶性的话,怎么办?化验结果出来,如果是良性的,就能安心一些,但没有人可以保证肿瘤以后不会变恶性.如果是恶心的,那就是等于癌症.癌症是第几期,治疗过程是什么,花费又需要多少,如果治療成功以后是否会复发,治疗失败,那怎么办.不只是当事者,他身边的人也会陷入恐惧.而蔡河立在他妻子面临死亡时,却不离不弃,还坚决举行婚礼,在治療过程中尽力去陪她,在她的葬礼上哭得站不稳,对我而言,那些是真爱.

对于妻子突然就离开,蔡河立也感触地说了一句

做人很得意的，恩恩愛愛的反而短暫，問題多多的感情卻很長久。

人生真的轮不到我们决定,很多时候我们觉得很难坚持的东西,挣扎着就一辈子了,有的人心甘情愿牺牲,却没有机会拥有.很多人我们以为我们拥有了,一转眼就失去了,很多事我们以为我们缺了,但其实那些东西一直在身边.我们真的没有办法预料下一分钟,只有珍惜这一分钟.话说得很简单,可是我们却很难实行.一分钟太容易得到,却也太容易失去.

李宗伟让我明白奇迹.蔡河立对他妻子的爱让我相信真爱.
也许有的事情不是努力就可以办到,但不努力就一定办不到.努力不会白费,也许达不到目标,但至少它不会无效.
真爱不是不存在,而是在于我们原不愿意去爱.

One step closer to happiness

Hi everyone, I just came out from the hole that I dug for the embarrassment last week.

Before I write anything, I will show you my art work first. wtf lol

This is how I de-stress. =_=  I can draw better when I am stress. =__=

Life is always stressful for most of us. Studies, work, family, and financial of course. Life would not be complete without stress. But this is where we turn the stress to positive energy and make it a motivation. (I sound super positive but I am negatively charged recently. =_=) Stressless life is not as good as we thought because when you have no stress means you have no motivation to improve yourself. lol

BUT!!

Too much stress will bring negative effects too us. Some might have depression or even worse mental illness. Some might be hot-tempered, or anti-sosial. Some might even let stress affect them physically.

So....

This is why we should release our stress.

There are various way to release our stress. We can start it with a healthy diet. We should maintain a balance diet with vegetables, fruits, and desserts in a suitable amount. Most of us know that desserts helps in releasing stress. It is because it provide our body what it needs to produce endorphins which are hormones that help in blocking pain and create a sense of pressure. (I AM SO KNOWLEDGEABLE LOL no lah I googled them actually.) Carbohydrate and protein help in regulating our appetite, sleep, muscle contraction and our mood. Fruits and vegetables is important for hormone synthesis and regulation. But my conclusion is the best part of staying healthy is that you got no pain and worries, and you do not need to spend money for medicine. lololol I am so shallow.

Another way to release our stress is by having a healthy life style. Exercise is important for the increase of our endorphins release. You can try boxing, try imagine you can punch all the stress. lolol just kidding, later you get propensity to violence. lolol Sport like badminton or basket ball should be enough to release stress already.  For those who do not like out door activities like me, music should works for you. It is a cheap entertainment. For those who are rich, you can try spa, massage, facial treatment or other activities i don't know. ( or you can get a cheaper version, get your boyfie massage for you. lol )

One more way to release stress is get your social circle bigger. Meet new people and make new friend. Hang out with them, who knows you might found someone who can understand you very well. Talk to them and share your feelings. Sometime friend is the one who can give you a smart advice. Listen to your friend too, you might found out that someone might be having a harder time than you. It makes you understand you can be as strong as them too or you problem is not that worse. Sharing is important in our life, keeping all our problem to ourselves is not healthy. In a realistic world, sometimes we just need a friend to be by our side. They might not able to help us, but at least we are not alone when we are facing our problem. 

Sometimes together alone is not that bad. lol

Our life will always be stress, problem will occur, no one can promise a trouble-free and happy life. Difficulties are not to make your life harder, but they make you stronger. Face the stress and cope with it.

By the way, talking about stress, I am very stress recently. until I got this nightmare that I am throttled by someone and I could not breathe for real.  fml 

Keep Me Blogging.

I was born in a moderate family. We are not rich but we have everything we need. We got a computer, a tv, I can access to the internet(of course lah, if not how i blog now lol) and everything we need in our daily life. Even though those are not the best and latest product in market, but we are just fine with it. Maybe my parent and I are just using a normal SE phone while others are having smartphone, we are happy with it ( maybe not for sometimes ). There are moments that I wanted all those beautiful clothes, high-tech product but I understand that it is not something I can force my parent to buy for me. I believe that my parent wanted the best for me too but sometimes life just cant afford it. And I believe that when we are not born with the things we want, we live and we get it with our own abilities. So i hope blogging can help me a little bit. LOL 

Blogging used to be just a online diary for me,that was 2 year ago. But it is not just a diary for me now. Ever since I am connected to the blogosphere, I have seen so many successful blogger ( not face to face but I read them ). I realize blogging can be a full time job too. And I have seen so many awesome blog with interesting content, I understand that blogging is not just about sharing our daily life or anything easy. It needs hard work and passion. Having a good blog is not something you can done by overnight too. You need to keep blogging and keep blogging until your blog is seen by the public. Success and fame do not come easily. I have been blogging for 2years and 1month (lol i counted) , there were so many times I was about to give up, but when I see those successful blogger, I convinced myself that one day I can do it too, but if I give up now, the day will never come. 

So these are the blogger that keep me blogging. 

Audrey from http://fourfeetnine.com/

If you watch the meme proposal, you probably recognize this girl, she is the one that got proposed. (too sweet to write. lol ) And their wedding is in this week. (I got this weird thing that I love to see people getting married so I kinda keep myself updated with her wedding preparation. lol) Before this she was working and still being a blogger at the same time. It is not something easy to do because most of the time we just feel too tired to blog after a whole day of work. I really respect her for her dedication. :)

Xiaxue from http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/
She is a Singaporean and a great blogger who have stand out to against cyber bully and she is not afraid to write out what she thinks. She usually write long post and damn, my english is poor, I have to google some word to read her blog. T_T But it is nothing because at least I get to read a good post (and improve my english, maybe.) It is a great blog to read if you really want to improve yourself, not that I say it is like a website full of those information that you would find in a book, but her posts make me think. Perhaps it might make you think about something you don't usually think about. And one more thing, she won quite alot of blogging award. GENG OR NOT? lol

Bongqiuqiu from http://www.bongqiuqiu.blogspot.com/
She is getting married too. lol Another Singaporean blogger but she mixed some chinese in her post so things are easier for me. lol. Her blog is so friendly to the readers and she was not afraid to share her experience (Like her boobs job). IF I am not mistaken, she came from a lower income family and had some hard time too, and now she is finally having a good life after all. :) What I love most about her blog is the positive energy she have, she shared her happiness and all the positive attitude.

Cheesie from http://cheeserland.com/
She is a Malaysian and one of the top blogger that inspired me the most. ( of course because she is a Malaysian too so she will extra inspirational. lol ) She blogs about fashion and travel ( to Japan most of the time, make me desperate about Japan. lol ).  She won the Best Fashion Blog award too. ( I got help in voting one, lol ) Now she is so successful that she always get opportunities to fly to Japan to work and going to Japan is something she love. She successfully have her own house with gorgeous decoration which had just featured on The Star recently. And she is getting married TOO to a japanese. ( hmm, cupid is kinda busy this year. -_- ) Believe it or not, I found her blog from a local author, Rawang boy's blog. ( not related at all. lol ) But her achievement had make me believe that everything can happen if I don't give up. Who knows one day I can be a awesome blogger too. lol.

These are the people that inspired me to keep blogging, I admired them alot. I am not usually a fangirl but their achievement have really encourage me continue to blog. I am not saying that I just want to be a blogger in my future, but if it is possible, I really hope that I can be a successful blogger in my future. I really love to blog like any other bloggers, I don't really need the whole world to read my blog but sometimes I just need a little bit a recognition from others.( but my friend claimed that my blog post is too long so they don't even read it, my blog post is short than your biology or history text book okay. T__T )

We live with dream and dream will come true if we work on it. I believe that I can do what I want as long as I am willing to take the first step and I won't give up. I will have a good life and I will get what I want with my own abilities. We fight to get what we want, it is the meaning of our life.

JIA YOU EVERYONE, 
OR DO YOUR BEST IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND JIA YOU,
OR GAMBATEH IF YOU UNDERSTAND JAPANESE. LOL


Can't believe I just did that to finish my post. omg lol.

How Thick Is Your Face?

Nah, here come the irresponsible blogger finally trying to blog.

Don't blame me because my life was too boring until I ran out of topic. I don't even call it a life. Everyday was just books and homework. shit me, how did I stand this life.

Since it has been a long time I din't update my blog, I should do the usual thing. Let me tell you what happened recently even though you are not interested. wtf. So last week I was busy for the sport day but surprisingly I din't go. Believe it or not, I din't make it because I was so sick on the day before it, and it took me 5days to recover. wtf. And then I was back to school and had my chemistry quiz. I din't survive in the quiz. Chemistry just won't react with me.

As I said, I ran out of topic. So I will just blog about some usual thing we seen in our daily life. Something which is irritating but it still happen everyday.

THICK-FACED PEOPLE.

What is thick-faced people?
If you don't know what is thick-faced people, let me explain to you, it means overly insensitive people. They will not feel embarrassed or ashamed for anything. This is what we called thick-faced people. I am sure everyone had meet some of these people in their life and damn it is annoying. 


Where or when do we see these people?
Everywhere. Anytime. It is a personalities which we don't even realize we got it in ourselves. We feel that what we did was reasonable and acceptable but some people can't accept it and they will take it in this way: YER, WHY HE/SHE LIKE THAT ONE? WON'T FEEL SHY DE MEH?' Well I do that alot. wtf

How they get annoying?
This must be explain by various situation one.

Situation #1
Your friend came over your house to enjoy a movie. 10 mins later, he/she walked in your kitchen and started to look for snack, without asking for your permission. They opened your refrigerator, opened your cabinet, searched everything and flipped everything until everything is so messy. Then they got their snack and just sat down and enjoy. And left a disaster for you to clean up after the movie finish.

Situation#2
You bought a snack during recess, so you bring into your class. You opened it, you handed to your classmate who sit beside you. You shared it, but then that person look at it and took the largest piece of it. Then he/she show you a huge smile on his/her face, and say thank you, only.

Situation#3
You and your friend went out together. So you guys went for some shopping, when you guys come to cashier, your friend said: 'Eh, pay for me first, I din't bring enough money.' At this moment you probably shouting ''why you still take so much thing when you got no money to pay?!'' in your heart.

Situation#4
Your friend ran out of cash so you borrowed some money to him/her. He/she promised to pay back asap but one month passed. You saw him/her shopped a lot unnecessary things, you even found out that your friend had spend more than what he/she owe you. But they never pay back. Even after you asked for it.

Situation#5
You got a task which is a group work. So one day you were discussing and dividing job with your friend. But there is one group member being passive all the time, he/she would just keep quiet to avoid any job even there is things that he/she expert but he/she just don't want to do it. He/she wanted the marks but don't want to do anything.

Situation#6
Chinese new year, yes,during the happy chinese new year. You were enjoying your holiday peacefully at home, suddenly your not-so-close friend called you and ask you whether he/she can come to visit you with SOME of his/her friend. You said yes, then you saw a GANG of people that can probably make a van full came to your house, just for angpow. They get their angpow then all you got was awkward silence.

6situations is enough to give you at least a concept about thick-faced people already. These situation make me feel irritated a lot as I am those who count a lot. I am not a sharing person. Being sensitive is something very bad, but being overly insensitive is bad too. People will  feel annoyed about you or even talking bad about you behind you. You will never know. If you don't want anyone to hate you, don't do things that people hate. BUT sometimes being a little bit thick-faced is good la, you got the guts to talk in front of public or ask a strangers for something. Or maybe you can thicken your face to get your crush's phone number. wtf. Thick-faced is something positive if you use it positive. Like The Secret, you think positively then a good life will come after you. lololol

For those who found out themselves is thick-faced after reading this post, sorry, please go do some facial thing to get your face thinner.

这些日子

写不完的Post, 一个接一个.但我还是搁下那些写不下去的post,然后写这个.

''我很喜欢你们班.''

我在刘先生的班说了这句话.不是因为特别美还是什么,也不是与世隔绝的班.但是却有逃离现实的感觉.逃离.现实.不知道是什么时候开始,现实已经残酷到我不想接受.恶心到我想逃离.很心寒,想到就很心寒.这就是现实.人真的很恐怖. 现实真的很残酷. 我们都是人,却搞不懂人.为什么要虚伪.为什么要自私. 为什么要讨厌. 为什么要喜欢. 为什么要复杂.为什么,要复杂.

为什么,我也变得复杂.

人,是不是都有邪恶的一面.

突然醒悟想起自己犯下的错误. 我是为了什么. 我几时成为那样的人了.我竟然成为这种恶心的人了.为了目的,我违背良心.即使是小事,但还是违背了良心.面对一点的利益,我已经放弃了道德.以后我会是怎么样的人.我会不会,就这样成为无恶不作的人.质疑自己怎么可以那么忍心,有些东西明明可以放弃,但我放弃了道德.

或许我就是邪恶的.

就是这样邪恶的.

生活变得很恶心.不想这样生活.但却一天天过去了.

Fool

Humans are funny. They make fun of themselves and they do not even realize.

They dig out the deepest part of their heart but they are not ready for it. They try something but they can't afford the consequences.

Sometimes they do things that gonna hurt them.
End up crying.
End up heartache.

Some people dig out the secret they din't know, or just something they missed out.
But they never think of how much it can hurt them.

They give with the hopes that they can get something back.
But they get nothing except heartache.

They find out the truth that they thought it gonna make them feel better.
But the truth is harder to accept than they thought it will be.

I am one of the fool, are you?

WAH I am the next best actress.

I wrote a post titled Girl with the mask few months ago. Well I was proudly admitted that I am one of the fake members too. Now I am still, proud to admit that I am not being true to everyone. I do not believe that anyone in this world can be true to every single person he or she knows. No matter that person is being fake for good intention or not, it is still categorized as FAKE. because that's what the whole world did. wtf

Nah, here come the part I do not know how to response.

I am proud to admit that I am fake ALREADY. But people seems to be still not satisfied with it. There are still people that saying I am fake.

OH WAIT. I GOT NO PROBLEM YOU SAYING I AM FAKE, BUT I SERIOUSLY DO NOT THINK MY FAKE LEVEL HAS REACH THE LEVEL YOU HAVE REACTED. wtf

but in the deep of my heart was very touched because I could not believe that some people hate me so much BUT they still willing to spend time to open my facebook profile to block me. and then unblock me.and left irritating comment for me. well I do felt irritated at first but turns out it make me realize I got more friendship than I thought. And I am so touched that I do not even know my acting skill was so outstanding until they would pay attention on me.

OMG thank you so much. I should probably think about be an actress in the future.

So I tell you guys and girls. do not be sad when someone hate you. We all know haters gonna hate. And it is a fact that WE CAN'T MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY. Like it or not, you still have to accept this truth. When someone hate you, just let them be. You do not need to hate them or revenge. You do not need to make yourself become someone you would hate too just because someone ELSE hate you. A normal human only has one heart, we should use it wise. Except you are not normal human and you got extra heart. wtf. For normal human, we should not use our hearts to hate when we should use it to love. And hating someone is very suffer, so just let them have the suffer part while you move on and enjoy your life.

But this does not means I accept the fake level they have AWARDED to me la. I not dare to admit my acting skill is so outstanding until it worth for people to talk about it. Maybe I should train few more year, then improve my acting skill until I can turn the whole world upside down just by my acting skill. Quite nice also actually wtf.

So thank you haters. You make me realize so much thing. Even though i do not really agree with the fake level you gave me, I still gonna say thank you.

GOT MARRIED.

CONGRATULATION!!!

I just got married. NO LAH JUST KIDDING. I am still single but my lovely brother finally got married after all!!!

So the wedding was on last Sunday but we have been very busy for it for one whole week. I am not gonna say the preparation goes well la because it does not. I was so worried last week because there is some situation. There is still some situation during the wedding dinner. Something was burning. wtf.

LUCKILY AND FINALLY, THEY GOT MARRIED.

nah, actually my brother very leng zai but the photographer din't shot the best part of him. He really leng zai one. lol

So it was the first time I have a new family member in my house. OMG SO NICE RIGHT. I am those who happy go lucky one. I definitely hope we all can get along really good la. There is something call 家和万事兴 mah. So if we all united sure good things will happen one. lol.  And so far so good, probably because we  are all easy going people. SO I AM VERY HAPPY NOW.( Also because I haven't fail a subject yet and i pass my chemistry which I am pretty sure I failed and I even dreamed that I failed it twice last few week wtf. )

To stay as a family is not something easy as we are all different person. Being as family does not mean we are all the same and surely we can get along. There will be fights, there will be tears, there will be laughters, we will been through all kind of situation like we been through with outsider. We are all human. But as a family, there will be more love for each other. We may not be the same, but we are living together, as a family. The family are the one who grew up, or even gets old with you. Your family member may be the person who you don't like, or what they do is something you hate, but there is still love between you and them. This is the meaning of family, the meaning of love. We appreciate, we compromise, we love. 

So I hope my brother gonna be happy ever after with his life mate, has happy and healthy kidssss in future, gets old with her and stay happy.  I wish him all the best. 

but very sad, brother wont see this. T_T

5年

15岁那年我曾经说了一句话. 5年后我们就20岁了.

曾经以为5年很短.因为记忆太少了,虽然我都过了三个5年.以为5年很快过,以为很容易过.中学也不过就是短短的5年.以为5年后的自己依然会是自己,以为5年后会改变的只有年龄,身份,生活,以为性格不会改变.

天真.

今天旧地重游,去了5年没去的板面档.

5年,我依然不爱吃板面.
5年,板面档的老板老了.
5年,我长高了好多.XD
5年,人生变了太多.
5年,我变了.

不敢想5年前的自己是怎样,也不敢想自己这5年变了什么.

太多太多,多到我莫名的心寒.

我变成一个更好的人了吗. 没有.
我变得更优秀了吗. 没有.
我变得更会想了吗. 没有.

5年能对一个人做的事太多.改变的不只是年龄,身份,生活.改变的事多到没办法计算.也许只能换个角度想没改变的是什么.

是我把5年看得太短了.

原来5年可以发生很多事.
很多事可以改变一个人.
很多人会变得陌生.
陌生人会变得熟悉.
梦想不再一样,或许直接消失.
喜欢变得讨厌,又或是爱.
讨厌变得抗拒,又或是喜欢.
害怕变得恐惧,或是克服.
拥有变成失去.
没有变成拥有.
一个人变一群人.
一群人变一个人.

还有很多.

还是那句,不敢想. 就是那么败类,我逃避.
还是那句,现实太沉重,我背不起.
还是那句,有些事,不知道会更好,不要想会快乐.

你的5年怎么了.
你敢想吗.

第312.

久违的华语字,你好.

忘了上一次用华语更新部落格是几时.只知道很久了.身为一个纯正的华人,华语始终会是最能表达自己的语言.但是我没有要表达自己.

偶然想起当年(其实只有不到两年),我每天更新的部落格,似乎每天都有新的领悟.当时对自己的领悟真的有百分百的信心,我当时真的觉得自己是对的,而且也不要脸坚持了那些信念有一段时间.不知什么时候开始,部落格越变越肤浅.不再说心底话,即使部落格是唯一说心底话的机会.

我记得我曾经说过勇气会随着年龄消失.
所以我没勇气说真话了,老了.

日子每天过,不是过了会领悟新道理的季节,是到了领悟了也不肯定也不想说的时候.一分一秒每天过,有谁的心里会是空白的,我的心里当然也有一堆话,一堆想法.以前喜欢的东西不再提了也不是因为不喜欢了.

设计怎么可能不爱.
啦啦队怎么可能忘记.
吉他的声音也没有消失.

不是不爱了,是爱的代价太大了.所以我宁愿不爱.

年纪越来越大,现实就会逼着来.一直坚持着的信念可能一瞬间被现实毁灭.

我这样做真的对吗?
还是这世界对和错根本不重要.

现实太残酷,摧毁了你的信念,在摧毁你的想象.

有的人不是你想像的那样,即使你很想他是那样的人.
尤其,当他们是你爱的人.

现实太悲痛.太沉重.
我背不起.

我错了吗.
我对吗.
是这样的吗.
我可以这样吗.
我这样想对吗.
我可以着样想吗.

我应该怎么办.
当一举一动都变成错误.我是不是应该不动.

日子很难过,但却一天一天过去.
生活不难,只是不简单.

End.

Okay, here is the revenge post. Actually I have already decided not to write this post, but this person is challenging my patient.

So, here is the story.

Me and this guy, meet years ago in this school. We have never been close, or not even friend. On the beginning of this year, we became closer. I forgot how but we became very close. Probably we are just two forever alone persons who get along at that time.

But this situation does not last long.
Things has changed after one and a half month.
I did not want to say anything. i convinced myself that it was just something normal. everyone will go through the cool down stage. we will make it if we can go through the stage. So I tried hard, to fix everything. There so much things that were happening, but I rather just keep them to myself, because I thought that he means so much more than all that for me. I did not want to lose this person.

The cool down stage last for 2 weeks. And we could not make it anymore. We return the the pure friendship stage, or even worse, we just go back to nothing.

I thought that was upset enough already. But the worse thing happened.

We are not stranger, we became enemy.
Few days after that, I realize he started to avoid me. And i can feel that he hates me. Friend asked him, and he said yes.

Do it hurts me? yes, it hurts. I thought getting back to stranger was really hurting me already, until I am hated by him.

I can accept that you do not feel that way you feel for me last time anymore, but how can you hate me when I did not do anything wrong to you and you were once the most important person to me.
You will never know how much i feel. You left me when I have nothing else already. I lost all my hope. I lost myself. You used to be there when I need you, but now you seems to be so far away from me even you are just right in front of me. Do you know how much it hurts when you want something so much and the things is just so close but you can't get it? Even that you hate me, I just can't hate you. I would rather to believe that maybe there are just some misunderstanding between us. But all I got is nothing except your hate for me. There is no misunderstanding except I misunderstanding you. Maybe you are just not the person I thought you are. I do not know you anymore.

So i went through this painful stage. To be hate by someone that mean so much to me.
I tried hard to let go so that he will be happy. I know if i keep holding on it just gonna hurt both of us. I make myself wish him the best when I found out he fall for another girl.
Until the big fight in choir. I know. All those word. I saw all that. Leaving all those comments in facebook.

It is painful. It left me breathless.
I never tell anyone but every time when someone gonna mention about him, i feel like my heart gonna stop beating, I gonna stop breathing. I know all these do not sound true, but what can I do,it happened.

I never stop thinking about all these until now. I still dream of him sometimes. I do not miss him that much now, but he just appear in my dream. I dreamed that he is coming back. I dreamed that he become the person I know again.

But it was just a dream.

I thought this post gonna be a post telling how much I hate this person.
But it just remind me of those moment.
No,I do not hate this person.
I am just disappointed.

Writing this post become ending for the story.
I hope that we do not exist in each other life.But i cant turn back the time. All I want now, just nothing, I do not want anything between me and him anymore. No love No hates.

That is the best ending.

After exam..... coming soon.

Okay, I am still having exam now but I wanted to update just one blog post first about what I wanna do after my mid-term exam. It will be over on next week. Just one more week of torture and I am very excited already. But actually kinda sad because the next exam i will have will be trial for SPM which is very important and it might affect the rest of my life WTF I still could not accept the truth that our future and the rest of our life will be depend on one SPM result. T__T

So here is the things I wanna do after my shitty exam.

1. Do a real blog post. 

    Okay not just one post but a few post.The important one is I need to do a revenge post. Just wait.

2. Sleep

    My dark circle is very scary now. I am very up set about it. I do not like it. But I did rather to get dark circle than failing in exam. #kiasu

3.Shopping

   Hopefully I can find beautiful pieces that suit me. I need it for brother's wedding. Btw their wedding is in progress and still very headache for the guests thing. WAY TOO COMPLICATED. 

4.Avoid sunlight as much as possible.

   I do not know how but i just do not like my skin colour now. I am very jelly about my sis because she gets fairer every time i see her. and i get darker. T__T

5.Must hang out with friends.

   Final year of secondary school. must gain more memories. I am bored with my current life also. been repeating the same routine everyday. =_______=

6.Update my life a little bit.

   Somehow I feel like my life is......... damn I cannot find a word to describe it. It went out of my control. I gained haters, even more anti-social than before. temper get worse, and some other problems you do not even want to know. I need to clean up all the mess. :(

7.Adjust my emotion a lot

   I became very emotional recently. I do not behave like myself already. Shit me. I kinda hate this me now.

8.Do all the homework i did not do before exam. (okay, that is if i got mood to do.)

9.I think there is more things I need to do. I just could not remember them now. 

I am looking forward for the 2 weeks holiday. Even I am sure it is not enough for me, but better than nothing. 

Btw I heard alot about 'the secret' recently. kinda work.wtf 

Why You Say Sorry?

Finally decided to write a normal blog post because no homework today. #WTF

So, before this normal post, i wrote a few very depressing blog posts. Here the story for all those post, I got 'dumped' by #addiction. Brother is getting marry and the preparation drives the whole family crazy. And other problems that i would just keep them to myself. And one more, my backache is driving me crazy too. #WTF So my life become a disaster and everyday i hear bad news. This situation still on going. Now I am hated by someone and I don't even know why. #WTF

Back to today's topic. Why you say sorry?

I am sorry, I feel like it is better for us to be friend. I did not want to hurt you. 
The awesome famous sentences that we all hear when someone tries to break up or we are trying to break up with someone. The word SORRY is to show our guilt, and all the sentences are just to elaborate how sorry we feel and hopefully they will forgive us. I believe when a person say that, he/she really feel guilty lar, but sometimes there are some different types of guilty. Here is it.

type A- You feel guilty because of the person is someone you did not want to hurt.
type B- You feel guilty because you think what you are doing is something immoral, you feel like you are a bad guy.

What is the different?
In type A, you feel sorry to the person because you did not want to hurt that person. It means that you really have feelings to him/her, you love that person, but something become the obstacle between both of you or your love for that person is not that kind of love. It is easier for that person to forgive you if you really feel sorry to him/her. I am sure that person can feel it if you are really sincerely want him/her to forgive you.

But in type B, it is just you are feeling sorry to yourself (and the god maybe). Your guilt has nothing to do with your ex, then you say sorry for what? You are not feeling sorry to him/her, why you want him/her to forgive you?It seems that you want your Ex to forgive you so that you will feel better and you can tell the world ''I am not a bad person, even him/her can forgive me, I did not make a huge mistake''. #WTF I tell you, it is super irritating when you face situation like this and you will never ever think about forgiving that bastard. #WTF  Not encouraging everyone to be revengeful or what, but why should we forgive someone that does not really feel sorry to us?

So this is why we should always be aware and observe everything. No one wants to be fool, get dumped and used. Do not let them use us so that they can escape from all the guilt and no one gonna blame them even they break your heart. We should always be aware and understand the real situation. Do not simply forgive someone. When you say sorry, it means that you know your mistake, and you are willing to change it. if you are not going to change, you just gonna say sorry every time, all the sorry you said is meaningless. So make sure that person are really sorry before you forgive. OR you may just forget instead of forgive. #WTF

To those type B,
Do not expect someone to forgive you when you are not really sorry.

Untitled.

Feel extremely lonely at this moment.

I hope my life will be the same like february, everything is changing since march. I could not find anyone to talk. It is the worst feeling ever.

Lets just pray everything will be back to normal soon. Even though I know nothing will be the same again.

Accidentally hope my life end now.

understand, and appreciate.

Misunderstand is a major factor that leads to break up. Trust me (or the fact only).

How misunderstand happens?
situation 1-When 2 person do not trust each other.
situation 2-When 2 person do not know each other as much as they need.

I am gonna blog about situation 2 today.

When 2 person do not know each other as much as they need.
It happens to a lot of couples and it always leads to tragedy. #WTF Human often use their own mood and thoughts to interpret what others try to say. We mix our own feeling inside and it causes argument. It is the same like when you are making a joke and people take it serious. That leads to 'world war', and everyone will be like I AM DEAD. This is why understanding each other is so important in a relationship .

When you truly understand him/her, you will get what he/she trying to tell you. There will not be a misunderstanding, therefore no argument and no break up. When 2 person understand each other, they will know what the person trying to do too. They can see how hard another person try to make the relationship work. They can see the sacrifice made by their partner.

Sometimes some people made sacrifice without saying anything. they try to cope the difference between them,difference in they topic they talk about, their lifestyle, their personalities, and more. They tolerate and compromise as much as possible, because they think these problems do not worth for them to let go someone they love. Some of them know the problem from the beginning, but they did not want to talk about it, they just try to solve it, because they want that person really badly. But some people think their partner are blind, deaf, no brain to think and no heart to feel the problem. They do not saw what their partner did and give up before them.#WTF This is not the worst thing yet, the worse is they do not appreciate it and they hate you some more. Some of them think you did nothing and shuang shuang enjoy their love only when you are trying very hard to make them love you more. Sibeh sad case that can make someone feel like want to die.#WTFWTFWTFWTF

Not everyone are thick face enough to tell other how much they did for their partner. Then all their hard work is wasted because no one saw it.#WTF T_T That is why we really need to understand our partner so much. Until what level? Until you can see what others cannot see in him/her. Until both of you do not need a thousand words to tell something. I know some people might think i am naive because that does not exist in this world, one person can never understand another person completely. I know that too, but at least, what you should know you must know.

People, take some time to think who is sacrificing for you. Appreciate them. Do not lose those who truly love you. It is not easy to find someone that would give up or change everything for you. It takes a lot of courage and love for them to do that. Sometimes love is like gambling, it is not easy to make someone bet everything they have.

LOVE

前阵子,LOVE上映了.

没时间去戏院看,找了好多个网站,终于找到一个很模糊但还看得到的网站,看了整部电影.有几幕好经典.对白写得真好.

'我很挑剔，我很难搞，我讲话难听，我常常脸臭，可是那就是我啊，我就是没有办法像你一样听话顺从又牺牲奉献，就因为我没有这么伟大，我就不配爱人，我就不值得被爱吗？'是不是不够伟大,我们就不能爱人.

'永远不要去想念你不曾拥有的.'为什么人终是在想念他们不曾拥有的.

'我们的拥抱，有回到家的感觉。'回家去吧,找那个爱你的人.

'我不喜欢过生日，也不需要有人陪，因为要是习惯有人陪，就会担心有一天可能会失去那个人。如果不去拥有，就不用想念。想念是很痛苦的，你懂吗？'

不要习惯了会失去的东西.

最经典的.

舒淇：  我害怕吧.怕什么呢？我怕   我怕我会给他带来困扰会给他造成压力.我怕其实我根本不懂得爱,会伤害他.或者我怕像我这样的人,根本不值得他爱.


男：你如果真的爱他,就勇敢一点吧.我真的好希望你能回到我身边,每天想得心都痛.可是你活得开心,才是我最想要看到的.我其实还蛮喜欢那个小子的,因为你喜欢他.我看过你跟他在一起的时候的那张脸,那大概是我怎么努力都没办法给你的.可是他做到了.那个你看起很幸福  无所求 就像一个小女生.其实本来还有一段,我删掉了.如果你愿意回头,你会发现,我其实一直在这里,没有走开.

如果你愿意回头,你会发现,我其实一直在这里,没有走开.

BackToForeveralone

Officially foreveralone again. #LikeALouSai


I am fine. better than expectation. I am strong. :)

sometimes we don't need to feel guilty for what we did even though it hurts someone else. It hurts someone else does not mean it is wrong, there are some other factor affecting the result. We did bad things does not means we are bad.

Life goes on and we need to move on.

I believe feelings are real even they will change or disappear, at least it really exist at the moment.

Can someone fix this situation. I don't know how to continue it. I just want to give up.



I got no idea how to pull myself out of this shit.


Could you please just come back.

lost.

It is ridiculous when someone can just affect your emotion without doing anything.

I am emo again. #WTF I need a break, trying so hard to solve everything but there are still problem that I am unable to solve them. I am stress.

I don't know what should I do. I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore. I doubted. Everything that I am fighting for all these years seems to be wrong.


I am lost.

What is my hobby.

Few days ago I was so damn depressed because of all the problems that is going on. Now still kinda depress. #WTF No one will be really interested with my own problem, so no point i sharing about it. It is long story and even myself kinda lazy to think back how it start, I can only say, IT IS LIKE A DISASTER THAT WILL GO ON FOR MONTHS UNTIL EVERYTHING IS OVER, if I am bad luck enough, it will be even more than months. I can't do anything to solve those problems now, except pray hard. #WTF 

I was actually writing about couple T-shirt and sms with the devil. He told me not to be too serious in blogging because it wont help me to get A in exam. #WTF Then i replied blogging is my hobby, I got hobby not good meh. Then he told me it is good to have hobby but not too over. because that is what his oral text write la. I saw he memorizing the text today. His side face so damn cute. I am a stalker #WTF

So, talking about hobby. How many of you are the same with me that you never tell the truth when someone ask what is your hobby? The biggest lie i answered was MY HOBBY IS READING. It happened when I was in standard 4 and teacher asked us to do a biodata,some sort of resume. And there is the part where i need to write my hobby. I do not know what was I thinking and I wrote reading. Obviously that is a lie because i do not read. The novel I have read in my whole life might be less than 10. #WTF And I do not read English novel, I guess that would explain why my english so damn 'good'. 

What is my hobby? time fly back to the time when I was in primary school. My hobby was watch TV. That is what I do most of the time. done my homework and tv time. I can spend 10 hours a day for tv. #TVpro And that was the time when korean drama getting famous. I watch ALL the korean drama. Totally addicted to it and i can tell you the whole story. Thanks to those super good drama, i found the drama nowadays getting more and more boring and meaningless. This hobby last for really long until internet and facebook come into my life and everything changed. But I am so sibeh kia su. All my friend got super healthy(means it is useful la)  hobby so I was not dare to tell everyone my hobby is watching tv. Especially teacher la, I was a good student in primary school with good result, super productive and super good behavior. Now i think back I feel like all the teacher like me because I do work for them only. T_T 

And then I am form 3, there come the internet. I am finally connected to the world and I am addicted. I spend my time playing game, chatting like tomorrow is the end of the world because it is free. Then I start giving up those drama for internet. Then family complaint. I rebelled. After a long time I finally awake then i start cutting off the time i used to online. SO, I got no hobby already. Since I love to write these crap alot, I assumed my hobby is blogging.T_T 

Actually i got no problem with my hobby until i met the devil. The devil is super healthy because he play basket ball almost everyday. I considered that he got healthy hobby excluding one of his hobby is dating with dota lar. It pissed me off sometimes because he does not reply message when he is dating with dota. Then he sort of dump me when he is dating with dota or basket ball. It make me realize I need some healthy hobby that can be done anytime as i cant online anytime i want. 

WHAT KIND OF HEALTHY HOBBY I CAN DO? NO. #WTF

I think about reading like seriously. But books are expansive and I am lazy to borrow from people. You know, when you want to borrow something, the sentence I WILL BRING IT TOMORROW will be keep repeating and you will never get what you want because you will also forget it after some time. So plan B, drawing. #WTF I kinda get frustrated every time i draw because i cant draw. So, plan C, there is no plan C.  

Here is the issue, do we need a healthy hobby to fill our time?

For myself, hobby is more like doing what we like to fill our time. It does not need to be healthy as long as you are happy. But I feel like want to have a healthy hobby because I really think I need to improve myself. The world is so competitive. We need to keep improving ourselves to fit in and survive. We can improve ourselves and get a better life by spending our time wisely. I do not see any disadvantage there, so just do it. #Nike #WTF When you got a better life, you will be saying I'm lovin it. #McD Then that is a happy life. It goes the same when you are spending money, if you can spend your money for something you need, then you still spend for something not so useful? It does not make sense right? 

But that is what i think and what is important is what yourself think lar. Everyone seek for different things for their life. Well, I want a better life. Some of you might be looking for happiness or whatever, just go for it. Life is short and time has wings, they flies. #WTF So do not wait, do what you want if you are allowed to( did not ask you to kill people). Do waste your life with regrets. :)

=0

not a blog post.

I could not stop myself from feeling down now.

lost my interest in everything. I hate myself now. =(

Girls with the mask

Welcome back to my normal happy life. School reopened and I got all my exam paper, all my marks were quite frustrating so I am not going to talk about it, and no one really cares about it. #WTF Everyone is still celebrating (or up sad) for SPM result. Surprisingly one of our school’s student is the top student in Hulu Langat area. 10A+. oh gosh, he is not normal. Skip the SPM result part because I am taking SPM this year. Senior’s achievement = my stress.

SO, let just move on to the title.

Girls with the mask, fake.

The topic actually started accidentally. I was having conversation with someone. I did not want to say anything but ‘someone’ makes me say it. #uselessME

Nah. Not talking bad about anyone but it is a fact.

Girls are fake. Seriously.

‘someone’ asked me which kind of fake I meant. ‘someone’ said that there is 2 kind of fake.

a) Fake to get attention

b) Fake to be close with you and backstab you someday.

Well I answered ‘someone’ A because the fake I meant at that time is A. To be honest, i think A and B are both exist in all the girls. #WTF Of course I am a girl too, I did not say I m true, but it is just all the fake level are different. I admit that I am kinda very fake too. I do not think that is something to feel ashamed. Yes I am fake, so what? Denying this fact even make me more fake. I do not think I need to do that.

Girls will be fake to get attention from the boys. Well boys can only see girl’s being good and nice part and did not notice the fake part. All the girls are innocent and weak, and they boys think OH MAN, I GOTTA PROTECT HER, SHE IS SO FRAGILE. Girls are born to be weak than a boy? No, I disagree this since forever. Being a girl is not an excuse for us to rely on someone else. I did not think that girls are stronger than boys too. But being a girl can be as strong as a boy too. Maybe PMS might make girl weak for a few days, but PMS does not last forever. Why girls cannot live on their own when the boys can? Sometimes, there are a lot of things that a girl can do on her own, but she chooses to be weak (loser), so that a boy would help her. They often make their problem big so that the sympathy in the boys will come out and make the guy fall for the girl.

Been through this stage. Lack of attention or lack of brain. #WTF

Now I got no problem, all the problems can be solved. When the problem can be solve, it is not a problem anymore. #WTF #happylife Share my problem like a joke, okay it is a joke. My problems are so freaking small.

SO, another type of fake, girls be fake to close to another friend and backstab her someday. Well, I never did that before but people did that to me. I guess it is my face problem, forever kena attacked and forever alone. Why people do that? I got no idea. Well, those doing it, you may continue because you are just giving lesson to the person, helping the person you hate. I assumed that you are fake with a good intention. Sometimes we do bad things for good intention, but they are still wrong.

Everyone is fake. Including the boys, just different kind of fake.

We keep the best for ourselves, it is human being. Human are selfish. I admit that I am selfish too. I did not want to hurt anyone, but sometimes we gotta protect ourselves first before we are able to help the others. When we are not able to help everyone, we have to protect our love one first. Not encouraging everyone to be selfish, but to be realistic. Our abilities are limited. Somehow being fake became one of the way for us to protect ourselves, or to get more for ourselves. It is immoral. But it is just so hard for us to be true as people will still be fake to us. Being true and sincere put ourselves in a risk, so we stopped. I would like to be sincere to everyone too, but this is life. I might be fake, but I will try to avoid hurting others. Maybe being fake is not wrong, but what it is wrong when we hurt someone else.

Someday, we will found someone that is true, and we can true.

the wedding diary.

I got nothing to do at this time. So I am here to blog. #WTF #lifeless

I went to a movie session with #addiction and loon today.What can I say; my movie plan was so failed. I thought I am going to walk into the cinema like a boss to watch Mr. and Mrs. Gambler.And everything goes (or spoils) like this:

Me: Mr. and Mrs. Gambler.

The girl at the counter: how old are u?

Me: err, (look at #addiction with the ‘sei jor’ face)

Addiction: 18

The girl: ID pls. (me standing there still showing the ‘ sei jor’ face)

That is the end. We did not manage to watch the movie. The mafan loon took a long time to decide which movie to watch, so we just stand there asking him like non-stop. After a long time, he finally decided to watch ‘the wedding diary’.

We go into the cinema and watch countless advertisement and trailer AS USUAL. The cinema was so empty, because the movie was long time ago. The movie is so ‘expected’. I can know what will happen next even though I did not hear that synopsis before. Well there are a lot of funny parts too. But I can only remember about the fake money part and forgot the whole story. (Failed.)

I realized movies produced by sg or msia often emphasizing the moral values. Since forever. The movie today was a little over because I seriously do not think the hero’s father will get into an accident in that way.

SERIOUSLY, WHO THE HELL WILL SUDDENLY DRIVE HIS OR HER CAR SO CLOSE TO ANOTHER CAR STOPPED BY THE ROAD? AND I THOUGHT THERE IS A SIGN YOU NEED TO PUT BEHIND YOUR CAR WHEN YOU STOP TO CHECK OR REPAIRING YOUR CAR?

But if the man did not get into an accident, hero and heroine will not reconcile, heroine's parents too. And etc.Maybe it must be like this.

Went to domino for lunch, sis called and asked me a question:

You still not enough having domino at home? Come here eat domino also?

*Die*, I am not addicted to domino. I did not eat domino that often. I like it because it is simple, just a few click and the food is coming to me by itself. and it is delicious. #WTF #lazy By the way, ordered domino last Sunday and he is late for 1 min and we still get a free pizza. #LikeABoss

After our lunch, we went to mph like we read. #WTF Saw some interesting book but the prize is much more interesting than the book. #WTF that is why I do not read, books are always expansive. Do not blame me, blame the books, blame the price. #WTF but anyways, loon bought a book. (we did not go in for free.)

And then the moment come again. Train time. I seriously hate to take train to mid valley or kl or any famous place, because every time the train will be full, crowded. People are pushing like we are not human. Every time I come out from a train I feel like I just ended a war. World war. Government, improve your public transport please. Hahaha

Okay, I just changed to digi few weeks ago and the line is driving me crazy when it takes a long time for addiction to receive my message. I always respect digi for their effort in advertising because it is always cute or awesome. But seriously digi, WHY YOU NO SPEND MORE IN IMPROVING YOUR SERVICE?! And about the 0.facebook, it eat my credit. #FUUUUU

happy day with addiction. feel like we are closer than before. :)

dream is not coming true.

I am here to update because I just change my background. #WTF Went a little purplish this time (Okay maybe not a little). #addiction use purple to describe me, that is why I chose purple. (He actually answered me pink at first because I am a girl, I was #areyoufuckingkiddingme because pink is so not special.#WTF) Chose brown for the words because I found brown is the most special answer I got. I actually felt so man when my friend used brown to describe me. #WTF I should be more girly from nao, or everyone gonna say ‘wassup bro!’ to me next time.

I found my previous ‘master piece’ today. Looking at them make me feel so damn sad. #WTF

I know I have to be honest this time. For the first time, or the last time.

Whenever my family asked me what I like, I never answer them. I could not tell them how much I love interior design. Mom dislike design (or anything related to art) since forever. #WTF This is why, I never fight for it. I know how much I love art, but sacrifice family just for a dream is way too much for me. I love interior design, but I love my family more. Do not ask me why I like interior design, I am just attracted to it. When I was young, I used to collect those catalogs with floor plan on it. I spent my time looking at it, trying to figure out the whole thing. This is how I started it.

I did countless (because I did not count)floor plan, did not keep them all. Last year, I did a model house with awesome interior design (because we did all the furniture on our own. #WTF). Stay up late to complete the house, gotta finish my home works, my other works and etc. I was really exhausted, but when I saw the house is finally completed, I could not sleep even though I was really tired. (It feel likes you just born u child #WTF) From drawing floor plan, trying to design something special, try to find a special theme, deciding the colors, making those mini size furniture, sewing things at night, painting, tried hundred thousand millions times just to get a satisfying effect, measuring all those material, you will never know how much it takes until you do it yourself. (thinking about it makes me want to cry because I think the house has been destroy by our school’s student aka monkey.)

actually there are lots more photos but this is the only one can see more things.not everything.

It is not just about the house, the effort I paid, but also how much I want to prove to my mom, I really love interior design. Today, I look back on all those previous floor plan(which I think it is really nice), I know I still want it, but all that is just a dream. Just like guitar and cheerleading, I love them, and I love interior design even more.

But dreams are dreams, they are meant to disappear when I am awaked. Nao, I am awaked, and it is time to give up my dream.

As 'someone' said, 没有能力就别学别人说什么梦想. If you do not have the ability, do not waste your time thinking about your dream. I know I am not creative enough to be a designer. But it just break my heart when I found out I am not good in anything. I can do maths, but I am not good enough. I can write but I am not good enough. I am not good enough in everything.

So, tell me, what can I do? Do not tell me choose what I like. Reality is not that easy, choosing what I like is not making money for me.