I have been thinking, how many chances do I still have to go back to my secondary school? A place that make me who I am now.
I was once a little girl that everyone would love. Okay maybe just the adult, I was not that welcomed by others to be friend. The adult used to thought I was polite,I have a good discipline, or anything good that people would say about other kids. That is what they see. That is how I behaved in front of them. Well, that was years ago.
Going to secondary school is a big turning point in my life, or probably everyone's. I hardly remember every single details of the five years that I had passed through in my secondary school. Not all memories are favorable and I have a very bad habit. I just could not remember bad things.
Before I forget, I have to take this chance. A chance for me to note down the details of my five years growing up as much as possible.
From standard six to Form one.
I got into the second class. Ibnu Khaldun. The weirdest name I ever saw, not knowing that one day it will be the name that I have to memorize to get A in history. There were only two Chinese in the class. Coming from a Chinese school to a class that only had two Chinese, it was just so hard. We were so lost. I could not catch what were the teachers saying. I had hard time communicate with my classmate. I could not do my homework. And I was once thought it was not that important to do homework in secondary school, bad influence from the family. But then I found a friend, a very best friend and she is my classmate, M . We had to help each other in class, we have no choice, we were the only Chinese. But she was weak, she was always absent and I was always alone. It made things harder. I was lonely, afraid and helpless. I am someone introvert,I have hard time making new friends. I used to followed behind her. She is cute and charming, and I am not. Somehow I felt unappreciated, I was hoping for a little more attention. I din't want anyone come to me just to ask where she is. Even so, I have to say she is a really good friend, we cheer each other up when sadness is consuming us. The year was not a good start for my friendship, but I am grateful that my luck was still with me in studies. My studies was not that good anymore, but at least, I din't failed anything. I was extremely lucky in my KHB and geography. Never intended to study my geography nor history. Thanks god and teachers, I passed all the subject and got into the first class next year.
Well, I got into that class not because I was more excellent than others, but the school have the policy to make sure every class have a balance percentages of different races. And I could not go to any classes other than the first two classes because of my KHB.
Not to forgot to mention, I went to my very first and only camping that year. Not really camping with tent but sleeping in aircond-ed room. It was 2D1N and we spend our first day with endless bengkel for science and maths. Climbed a hill for very first time on the next day. And I was so frustrated because the journey to climb up to the hill was so damn hard and long and it was such a short journey to go back to the base. :(
From standard six to Form one.
I got into the second class. Ibnu Khaldun. The weirdest name I ever saw, not knowing that one day it will be the name that I have to memorize to get A in history. There were only two Chinese in the class. Coming from a Chinese school to a class that only had two Chinese, it was just so hard. We were so lost. I could not catch what were the teachers saying. I had hard time communicate with my classmate. I could not do my homework. And I was once thought it was not that important to do homework in secondary school, bad influence from the family. But then I found a friend, a very best friend and she is my classmate, M . We had to help each other in class, we have no choice, we were the only Chinese. But she was weak, she was always absent and I was always alone. It made things harder. I was lonely, afraid and helpless. I am someone introvert,I have hard time making new friends. I used to followed behind her. She is cute and charming, and I am not. Somehow I felt unappreciated, I was hoping for a little more attention. I din't want anyone come to me just to ask where she is. Even so, I have to say she is a really good friend, we cheer each other up when sadness is consuming us. The year was not a good start for my friendship, but I am grateful that my luck was still with me in studies. My studies was not that good anymore, but at least, I din't failed anything. I was extremely lucky in my KHB and geography. Never intended to study my geography nor history. Thanks god and teachers, I passed all the subject and got into the first class next year.
Well, I got into that class not because I was more excellent than others, but the school have the policy to make sure every class have a balance percentages of different races. And I could not go to any classes other than the first two classes because of my KHB.
Not to forgot to mention, I went to my very first and only camping that year. Not really camping with tent but sleeping in aircond-ed room. It was 2D1N and we spend our first day with endless bengkel for science and maths. Climbed a hill for very first time on the next day. And I was so frustrated because the journey to climb up to the hill was so damn hard and long and it was such a short journey to go back to the base. :(
So the lonely Form 2 days started.
Being the only Chinese in the class. I was chosen as the treasurer, not a good position to hold. I was not thick-faced enough to ask money from others. I sat beside 2 Indian friends. Trying very hard to communicate with them, and slowly improve my English and Bahasa Malaysia. They were very kind to me, they din't abandoned me. I remember my class teacher was a Chinese, Puan Low. She was once asking me, do you want to switch class? I can help you. Even the teacher could not see me being alone in the class. My mom was worried. I was depressed. I was stressed. Everyday I went to school, waiting for recess so that I could talk to M. I wait for every classes that the two class would combine. But she was always absent. I drowned in disappointment. That year, I improved my result alot. I had no one to talk to in class, so I end up paying full attention to teacher. Being legendary in Maths and KHB. Once again, I was fighting to get full mark in Maths and 90% above in KHB. Both subject are related to calculations, I was very confident about it.
The same year, things din't much went well between M and I. I was just so sad that why can't she make it to school when she knew that I would be alone. My loneliness turned into anger. She met new friends too, people that can have a greater bond with her. Our friendship was not strong enough that we could pass through that much of problems. I have to admitted that I am really a bad friend. My family din't like her and I din't try hard enough. I was also sometimes secretly jealous that she could join the cheerleading team that I been dying to join but I couldn't because my family din't allowed me. It was my fault.
That was my first 2 years of secondary school, in afternoon session. Before I forgot, the two years in afternoon also became memorable because of our Chinese class. M and I had no class to use so we would have to travel to many places with our teacher, Puan See to have our lesson. We had classes in bengkel, empty classes, canteen, teacher's room and other random places that I could not remember. I think we even once at the pondok to have our lesson.
Moved on to morning session again, being a Form 3 student.
M and I were finally in the same class again. The two classes that separated us were finally combined because there were too little students. I was overjoyed. We became so close again and that year, I was braver than I used to be. I started to skip school. I was so stressed by my studies and homework. I chose to run away. I was really stupid. I paid more attention in doing other things. I met new friends, found new interests. I fall in love with music. Tried to learn guitar but gave up once again because family would not allow me. Hanged out with my friends so much. Went to friend's house, to karaoke, to lunch. I was not allowed to do all that with my friends before this. Been having so much fun until PMR was finally around the corner. I had intensive revision with M. She came to my place everyday, did lots of practices. And at the part of my life, I am actually very thankful to someone that had did so much for me. He accompanied M and I to study, always entertained us, brought McD for me. And now I still remember the first strawberry sundae I ate. ( Obviously I am craving for it. )
And the luck stood by me, I got 7A1B. I was just so surprise, and happy. It was unexpected. How could I ask for this result when I chose to have fun instead of study for my future. Once again, I have to be really thankful for this. And Thank you for every single person i met in these three years, thank you for the memories and the help.
The same year, things din't much went well between M and I. I was just so sad that why can't she make it to school when she knew that I would be alone. My loneliness turned into anger. She met new friends too, people that can have a greater bond with her. Our friendship was not strong enough that we could pass through that much of problems. I have to admitted that I am really a bad friend. My family din't like her and I din't try hard enough. I was also sometimes secretly jealous that she could join the cheerleading team that I been dying to join but I couldn't because my family din't allowed me. It was my fault.
That was my first 2 years of secondary school, in afternoon session. Before I forgot, the two years in afternoon also became memorable because of our Chinese class. M and I had no class to use so we would have to travel to many places with our teacher, Puan See to have our lesson. We had classes in bengkel, empty classes, canteen, teacher's room and other random places that I could not remember. I think we even once at the pondok to have our lesson.
Moved on to morning session again, being a Form 3 student.
M and I were finally in the same class again. The two classes that separated us were finally combined because there were too little students. I was overjoyed. We became so close again and that year, I was braver than I used to be. I started to skip school. I was so stressed by my studies and homework. I chose to run away. I was really stupid. I paid more attention in doing other things. I met new friends, found new interests. I fall in love with music. Tried to learn guitar but gave up once again because family would not allow me. Hanged out with my friends so much. Went to friend's house, to karaoke, to lunch. I was not allowed to do all that with my friends before this. Been having so much fun until PMR was finally around the corner. I had intensive revision with M. She came to my place everyday, did lots of practices. And at the part of my life, I am actually very thankful to someone that had did so much for me. He accompanied M and I to study, always entertained us, brought McD for me. And now I still remember the first strawberry sundae I ate. ( Obviously I am craving for it. )
And the luck stood by me, I got 7A1B. I was just so surprise, and happy. It was unexpected. How could I ask for this result when I chose to have fun instead of study for my future. Once again, I have to be really thankful for this. And Thank you for every single person i met in these three years, thank you for the memories and the help.
And then, Form 4.
I swear I never wanted to be in science stream. It was a long and complicated story about how i got into science stream. But it was good for me. I din't know about it. I was once in depression about study in a science stream, getting further away from my old friends. We studied different subject, our class were not in the same building. We used to wait for each other to go canteen during recess, but nothing last long. I forgot how did we turned out this way. We are now someone we used to know. Then, I had another bunch of people in my life. I came to another stage of life which is completely different than what I had before. I started to do every single homework again under the influence of my new classmate. I am finally on the right path again. I studied hard. I lived with passion again. I lived my dream that year. I made my very first house model. Did lots of things that I love, every day for a very long period of time. I was busy, but I felt alive. I could not ask for more, everything was just too great for me. I was once again having good result that I had lost for such a long time. I was being treated as someone competitive again, finally. I had finally become who I should be again.
Everything has an ending, so does my secondary school life.
The one last year,I got into the first class again. I was proud, I got it with my own ability. I will never forgot how one of my teacher said about I am not qualified for the first class. But life is unexpected, I made an mistake. I chose the wrong friend again. I was not aware about how it might harm me. The beginning of the year was just tough, I was weak and scared. I was also surrounded by other problems. I tried so hard to be strong. It din't work really well. I lost someone and what is worse is that, I lost myself too. Once again, I was lucky. I healed even it took a long time. I focused on my SPM, even it was a little too late. I keep myself away from others. I stayed in a small group. I just felt that I have no more strength to face all of the society game anymore. I think I made the right choice. I love the people who I chose to be with and now, I still love them, or even more.
Five years. It seems to be just a small part of one's life. We often underestimate things that seems so small but it is wrong. We don't always need a major change in life to be a different person. Who we were and what we passed through is what made us who we are now. My five years of secondary school life was not perfect all the time. But I am very grateful that I had lived 2 completely different life in 5 years. I had tasted the both life of being a bad student and good student. I don't live a perfect life, but a colourful one.
 |
The sun will sets and the darkness will arrives.
But the star will still shines and the sun will still rises. |
