dream is not coming true.

I am here to update because I just change my background. #WTF Went a little purplish this time (Okay maybe not a little). #addiction use purple to describe me, that is why I chose purple. (He actually answered me pink at first because I am a girl, I was #areyoufuckingkiddingme because pink is so not special.#WTF) Chose brown for the words because I found brown is the most special answer I got. I actually felt so man when my friend used brown to describe me. #WTF I should be more girly from nao, or everyone gonna say ‘wassup bro!’ to me next time.

I found my previous ‘master piece’ today. Looking at them make me feel so damn sad. #WTF

I know I have to be honest this time. For the first time, or the last time.

Whenever my family asked me what I like, I never answer them. I could not tell them how much I love interior design. Mom dislike design (or anything related to art) since forever. #WTF This is why, I never fight for it. I know how much I love art, but sacrifice family just for a dream is way too much for me. I love interior design, but I love my family more. Do not ask me why I like interior design, I am just attracted to it. When I was young, I used to collect those catalogs with floor plan on it. I spent my time looking at it, trying to figure out the whole thing. This is how I started it.

I did countless (because I did not count)floor plan, did not keep them all. Last year, I did a model house with awesome interior design (because we did all the furniture on our own. #WTF). Stay up late to complete the house, gotta finish my home works, my other works and etc. I was really exhausted, but when I saw the house is finally completed, I could not sleep even though I was really tired. (It feel likes you just born u child #WTF) From drawing floor plan, trying to design something special, try to find a special theme, deciding the colors, making those mini size furniture, sewing things at night, painting, tried hundred thousand millions times just to get a satisfying effect, measuring all those material, you will never know how much it takes until you do it yourself. (thinking about it makes me want to cry because I think the house has been destroy by our school’s student aka monkey.)

actually there are lots more photos but this is the only one can see more things.not everything.

It is not just about the house, the effort I paid, but also how much I want to prove to my mom, I really love interior design. Today, I look back on all those previous floor plan(which I think it is really nice), I know I still want it, but all that is just a dream. Just like guitar and cheerleading, I love them, and I love interior design even more.

But dreams are dreams, they are meant to disappear when I am awaked. Nao, I am awaked, and it is time to give up my dream.

As 'someone' said, 没有能力就别学别人说什么梦想. If you do not have the ability, do not waste your time thinking about your dream. I know I am not creative enough to be a designer. But it just break my heart when I found out I am not good in anything. I can do maths, but I am not good enough. I can write but I am not good enough. I am not good enough in everything.

So, tell me, what can I do? Do not tell me choose what I like. Reality is not that easy, choosing what I like is not making money for me.