Another year another lesson.

Last day of 2013. 3.24am. I am here sitting in front of my lappy completing the blogpost I started 2 days ago.

And it is finally the last day of 2013. The year I wanted it to end so badly. Yet I am so grateful I had this particular year in my life.

2013 would be the toughest year I ever had. If life will only gets harder, I can't imagine.

I never thought that it will be this tough.

This year, I had my first  working experience. I worked as a teaching assistant nearby. It was such a great experience. The salary was not high but what I gained from it were so much more than money. I am not afraid to talk in front of public anymore. I had the one of the best memories with a precious one. We did not turn up to be the way I wanted, but I am so glad that I would still smile every time I think of you.

Thank you. 

That I did not regret about lossing you because I know you deserve something better.

That you become my sweetest and greatest lost. 

谢谢你变成我永远怀念并不后悔的回忆。

Then I moved to the current stage of life. College.

Coming to college was in my schedule of life from long time ago. The only thing that came out in sudden was I decided to financially independent. I have no income but I knew if I had decided to do so, I will find a way to live on my own. I never feel regret about this decision, even there are so many times I was being so depressed about incapable to do what I want or get what I want. I know this will make me a better person someday. This is the reason that I hold it.

As I am financially independent, I did some part time job during my semester break. Being a promoter is actually more enjoyable than I thought. Probably because the job I found was not too stress. But I enjoy working life a lot.

Then in semester 2, I admitted than my life gone wild in a very bad way. Even though I am getting back on the right track now, but what I have done is a history I can never wash away.  

Then I become a little too unlucky that lost my phone and money. It was not too much but yet enough to make my life miserable. I would not blame anyone but myself being careless.

All this were never enough to make me feel hopeless. Until I found out about her sickness one month ago. The close one would know who and what I am talking about. I could not do anything but pray. And I am not even sure what to pray. Praying that she don't need to suffer much or praying that what she is going through will eventually pass away and she will stay with us.

All I can say is... people leave eventually. No matter soon or later, we all will become part of the memories. I decide to let the god decide on her future. No matter what is happening, I chose to believe it is what god planned for her and it can never be bad for her.

Take what has come.
Let go what has left.

The greatest thing that ever happened this year is that I have found these friends during my hardest day. I could not tell how much I love them and I don't know why too.

你们是我没有祈祷却也得到的幸福。

不知道我们会要好多久。

但，我好庆幸2013我遇见了你们。

爱你们哟。

Midnight Thoughts.

结果我终于Legal to club可是平安夜我依然用最平安的方式度过。

没有疯狂的挤入人群中倒数。
也没有疯狂地在音乐中沉醉。

但我庆幸我不是一个人。

1. 节日。
其实终于发现再多的节日，没有一个共度的对象，节日也只是假日。

2. 烟火。
我记得2013年我对看见的第一个烟火许下了愿望。其实我知道烟火不会为我实现。可是人总有不愿放弃任何一丝希望的时候。

3. 谎言。
一直以为说谎是刻意做的事。活了18年才发现其实诚实才是我们需要花心思做的事。

4. 信任。
总会有个你特别信任的人。可是偶尔其实我们的信任对对方而言也许是个负担。

5. 为难。
因为我宁愿自己困难也不想别人为难。

6. 拥有。
好多美好的东西在我眼前，可是我清楚知道自己没有资格拥有，你知道那种痛吗。

7. 放弃。
要怎么割舍你不曾拥有的。我要怎么放弃我曾经以为拥有的。

8. 退让。
如果真的这么不幸立场对立了，我会退让，不是因为我要让自己伟大。只是因为我真的没有力气去争取。

9. 原谅。
其实好多时候原谅不是因为你不介意那件事而是因为你更重视对方。

10. 爱情。
最近老是重复的话。爱情其实就缺一个moment.

11. 要相信。
要一直相信世界上总有一个人是属于你的。

12. 疯狂。
爱情就是让你放下好多原则的东西。每个人都会有那么一次为爱疯狂，很久以后你会怀念的疯狂。

13. 失去。
后来发现失去其实就是瞬间的事。

14. 过去。
过去应该被怀念，而不是被遗憾。

什么让我遇见这样的你们。

其实我真的好难过。感觉什么都会失去，无论我多么用力去守护。到底是不是我珍惜的我在乎的都要离去。我很讨厌无能的感觉。好害怕今天的拥有变成明天的失去。感觉就快一无所有了。感觉我没有能力再去守护了。流泪觉得很傻。其实靠自己我快辛苦到窒息了。人生可不可以再多点希望。困在这样的生活里我好想放弃。

可不可以少点困难。
可不可以多点希望。

我知道10年后我会觉得现在这些没怎样。
可是能不能让我觉得真的有10年后。