End.

Okay, here is the revenge post. Actually I have already decided not to write this post, but this person is challenging my patient.

So, here is the story.

Me and this guy, meet years ago in this school. We have never been close, or not even friend. On the beginning of this year, we became closer. I forgot how but we became very close. Probably we are just two forever alone persons who get along at that time.

But this situation does not last long.
Things has changed after one and a half month.
I did not want to say anything. i convinced myself that it was just something normal. everyone will go through the cool down stage. we will make it if we can go through the stage. So I tried hard, to fix everything. There so much things that were happening, but I rather just keep them to myself, because I thought that he means so much more than all that for me. I did not want to lose this person.

The cool down stage last for 2 weeks. And we could not make it anymore. We return the the pure friendship stage, or even worse, we just go back to nothing.

I thought that was upset enough already. But the worse thing happened.

We are not stranger, we became enemy.
Few days after that, I realize he started to avoid me. And i can feel that he hates me. Friend asked him, and he said yes.

Do it hurts me? yes, it hurts. I thought getting back to stranger was really hurting me already, until I am hated by him.

I can accept that you do not feel that way you feel for me last time anymore, but how can you hate me when I did not do anything wrong to you and you were once the most important person to me.
You will never know how much i feel. You left me when I have nothing else already. I lost all my hope. I lost myself. You used to be there when I need you, but now you seems to be so far away from me even you are just right in front of me. Do you know how much it hurts when you want something so much and the things is just so close but you can't get it? Even that you hate me, I just can't hate you. I would rather to believe that maybe there are just some misunderstanding between us. But all I got is nothing except your hate for me. There is no misunderstanding except I misunderstanding you. Maybe you are just not the person I thought you are. I do not know you anymore.

So i went through this painful stage. To be hate by someone that mean so much to me.
I tried hard to let go so that he will be happy. I know if i keep holding on it just gonna hurt both of us. I make myself wish him the best when I found out he fall for another girl.
Until the big fight in choir. I know. All those word. I saw all that. Leaving all those comments in facebook.

It is painful. It left me breathless.
I never tell anyone but every time when someone gonna mention about him, i feel like my heart gonna stop beating, I gonna stop breathing. I know all these do not sound true, but what can I do,it happened.

I never stop thinking about all these until now. I still dream of him sometimes. I do not miss him that much now, but he just appear in my dream. I dreamed that he is coming back. I dreamed that he become the person I know again.

But it was just a dream.

I thought this post gonna be a post telling how much I hate this person.
But it just remind me of those moment.
No,I do not hate this person.
I am just disappointed.

Writing this post become ending for the story.
I hope that we do not exist in each other life.But i cant turn back the time. All I want now, just nothing, I do not want anything between me and him anymore. No love No hates.

That is the best ending.

After exam..... coming soon.

Okay, I am still having exam now but I wanted to update just one blog post first about what I wanna do after my mid-term exam. It will be over on next week. Just one more week of torture and I am very excited already. But actually kinda sad because the next exam i will have will be trial for SPM which is very important and it might affect the rest of my life WTF I still could not accept the truth that our future and the rest of our life will be depend on one SPM result. T__T

So here is the things I wanna do after my shitty exam.

1. Do a real blog post. 

    Okay not just one post but a few post.The important one is I need to do a revenge post. Just wait.

2. Sleep

    My dark circle is very scary now. I am very up set about it. I do not like it. But I did rather to get dark circle than failing in exam. #kiasu

3.Shopping

   Hopefully I can find beautiful pieces that suit me. I need it for brother's wedding. Btw their wedding is in progress and still very headache for the guests thing. WAY TOO COMPLICATED. 

4.Avoid sunlight as much as possible.

   I do not know how but i just do not like my skin colour now. I am very jelly about my sis because she gets fairer every time i see her. and i get darker. T__T

5.Must hang out with friends.

   Final year of secondary school. must gain more memories. I am bored with my current life also. been repeating the same routine everyday. =_______=

6.Update my life a little bit.

   Somehow I feel like my life is......... damn I cannot find a word to describe it. It went out of my control. I gained haters, even more anti-social than before. temper get worse, and some other problems you do not even want to know. I need to clean up all the mess. :(

7.Adjust my emotion a lot

   I became very emotional recently. I do not behave like myself already. Shit me. I kinda hate this me now.

8.Do all the homework i did not do before exam. (okay, that is if i got mood to do.)

9.I think there is more things I need to do. I just could not remember them now. 

I am looking forward for the 2 weeks holiday. Even I am sure it is not enough for me, but better than nothing. 

Btw I heard alot about 'the secret' recently. kinda work.wtf