几件事-新生活

好久没写几件事。

生活比我想象中更充实。其实更细节来说是风流快活。

这是学院生活开始后我觉得最伤士气的一天。我最怀疑自己的一天。

1. 学院生活难得不是学业，而是你担心的不再只是学业.
说不清除了学业还有什么要担心.要担心的事情太多,太多事情里包括未知。More is coming, and people are afraid of unknown. 

2. 靠自己.
这句话要做到很难,要别人相信更难.证明自己是个人的事,得到信任是别人的事.

3. 年龄.
我开始混淆我这个年龄应该是个怎么样的人.大家口说年龄不算什么,所以我一直以为做自己就好.但我开始质疑,18岁的我该背负什么责任,度过什么生活.其实有时候年龄不算什么只是大家把责任推给你的借口.

4. attached.
我责怪自己是个想要依赖的人.我也需就是那么一个需要被关心的堕落女,好听据说是空虚.我很容易习惯一个人的存在,我没办法摆脱一个人在生活和心里都存在着的人.可是我害怕依赖让我变得软弱.

5. 往前走.
我已经走了好远.我一直以为往前走很难,但生活其实已经把我推倒另一个地方.射手座,我往前走真的没办法回头.

6. 一针见血.
同学都说我一针见血.我真的觉得"慢慢被刀割几圈"比"一刀插死"来得痛.

7. 失眠.
原来失眠是假象.我不是睡不着,而是不想睡.我需要好多的成就感才能安心入睡.成就感在我眼里比睡眠可贵.最近入睡不再困难,虽然梦境还是一样惊险.

8. 朋友.
认识了好多人,每个人都有自己的故事.每个故事都有它值得学习的价值.

9. 书.
人家说遇见一个人像打开一本书,认识一个人是慢慢阅读书里的故事.我在想自己其实是不是只是本参考书,别人打开只是为了看他们想看的那一面.或许在遇见对的人之前,我们都至少图书馆里的参考书每天被借用,遇见了对的人,我们就是本值得拥有的百科全书.

10. 归属感.
在这里我找不到所谓的归属感,回家也开始变得陌生.我无时无刻都不自在.归属感到底从地方找还是从人找?

新生活没有特别顺利,却比我想象中开心.人生不需要完美,但缺陷不要只有悲伤.不完美不一定是破碎.

Strength.

Haven't update for 2 weeks. And that is half month if you don't feel long enough. This is a mentally tired post, I din't realized my mental has a worse stamina than my body.

So I started my college this week. Being away from parents and my teddy bear was so hard. I felt so empty without them. I could not hold myself from feeling homesick when home is always the biggest part of my life and family is the thing that make my heart keep on beating.

I know, I said I want to be independent. I still want to be, but life is too short. You will never know when will you lose what you love, so protect and appreciate them.

Currently feeling very down. There could have so much going on my life, always going on. I sometimes wonder do I really have so much to care? Or I am just taking the responsibility that does not even should be mine? Sometimes I just feel like my shoulder could be a little overloaded, it explains why do I feel so tired.

I don't mind doing more, just give me a reason. ( Singing pink song no la just kidding)
When I love you and could have care so much for you, be my strength to go on, not the burden to pull me down.

I know I have been too desperate on everything. I din't ask for anyone to understand, no one wanted to put their feet in one's shoes. But I have to say, I have lot of responsibilities. If I failed to do anything, it will not be just about me. I rather to give up on my happiness so that they could have one.

Let me count on someone like people count on me. I don't need someone to protect me, but someone who would face challenges together with me.